He said he didn't know. "I just got tired of walking. At least youre not as old as youll be next year. So that Saturday, we had a heaping stack of chocolate-chip pancakes, her favorite childhood breakfast. It wasnt to For her 40th birthday, my wife said, "I'd love to be ten again." Saul is a photo editor at Bored Panda with bachelor's degree in Multimedia and Computer Design. Can't take my arm off, but I can give you the finger. When they're ready to leave, his friends say, "Nice to meet you, ma'am, and thank you for the peanuts." Feeling down about my thinning hair, I told a friend, Soon Ill never need to go back to the beauty salon. Youve got a whole new life ahead of you. When I was 40, I asked for it. Over dinner, I could sense something was bothering my mother, so I asked if anything was wrong. We finished the day with a banana split. Honey, she said, today is senior day. The day after visiting a fair, my wife was in agony. "I'm almost 60 years old." 64. "What are you doing?" I can look you dead in the face while your talking and not hear a damn word you said! The other day, I was sitting on the edge of my bed, and I couldnt remember whether I was going to bed or had just woken up!, The third lady smiles smugly. Just as she was celebrating her 80th birthday, our friend received a jury-duty notice. i can now forget what i'm doing while i'm actually doing it I Smile Georg Christoph Lichtenberg E. E. Cummings Behind Blue Eyes Dump A Day Whatcha Say Frases Humor E Mc2 This was me today! At the Nursing Home a man took his elderly father to a nursing home to check it out. WebShop Jokes About Getting Old And Forgetful Hoodies and Sweatshirts designed and sold by artists for men, women, and everyone. "Mr. Smith, you're in great shape," says the doctor afterward. I can get my son to do it. "Good," Bob says to the pharmacist. His reply: "We'll I just didn't recognize you!". Please feel to send me your suggestions and feedback through the contact form. ""Yes," I replied. A diplomatic man remembers his wifes birthday but not her age. Congratulations on being able to cough, fart, sneeze, and pee at the same time. Leslie McRobie, Lee, "The sight of my mother cleaning her dentures fascinated my young son. What, what did he say? said the little old lady. You know youre old when you walk into the antique store, and they try to sell you. It would blow their minds! They were afraid that this could be Some of these elder citizen jokes are painfully relatable even if youre just a measly thirty years of age, while others might give you a good idea of what to expect once another three decades pass. Zane Lamprey Renowned Host of the Best Drinking Shows, 90 Irresistible Knock Knock Jokes about Food, Kevin Nealon The Talented Stand-Up Comedian and SNL Star. Im a recycled teenager. He shook his head. 2022s Best Senior Jokes About The 4th Of July, 10 Cheap St. Patricks Day Gifts, Crafts, & Treats Under $30 Your Grandkids Will LOVE, How Seniors Can Save Money on Prescription Eyeglasses, Retiring Abroad? Doctors would agree that too many can kill you. You can change your preferences. We will not publish or share your email address in any way. The fairy turned the cat into the most handsome man on earth. High-quality, pre-shrunk heavy or lightweight fleece. As the hostess at the casino buffet showed me to my table, I asked her to keep an eye out for my husband, who would be joining me momentarily. Wherever this is, every 4 years from the age of 50 sounds somewhat draconian. The next week, John is much happier. Related: 2022s Best Senior Jokes About The 4th Of July. "They'll only look once.". "Great," she said. Well, yes, she said reluctantly. ", Her class assignment was to interview an "old person" about his life, so my niece asked me, "What was the biggest historical event that happened during your childhood?". 6. The older man started to tilt slowly to the right. My 45-year-old sister was attending the wedding of a childhood friend when she ran into people she hadnt seen in years. The daughter says "God bless Mummy and God Bless Daddy and God bless Grandma and good bye Grandad." a tenant asked. He decides to prove to her theres something wrong with her hearing. Three elderly men are talking about their aches, pains and bodily functions. "Checking out of the grocery store, I noticed the bag boy eyeing my two adopted children. He is our oldest member and can tell you some hunting stories youll never forget. They awakened the old man and asked him to tell them a hunting story. She stopped me there. They sure grow up fast, dont they?. Glass? For some reason, she woke up bald and with a bad attitude. He even stands right outside the kitchen and yells What's for supper? and still, no answer. An elderly man visits the doctor for a checkup. As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases. While I was taking out my ID, my old Blockbuster card fell out. Every year on my birthday, I remember. Young Lad: Married!! "I thought so," he concluded. 23. 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In her free time she loves painting, embroidering and taking walks in nature. I have no respect for gangs today. ""Walgreens," she replied. There is this guy who really takes care of his body, he lifts weights and jogs five miles every day. The next time he wanted to use our new toy, he looked a bit puzzled. Whats a hipster? asked my four-year-old cousin. It's about time to settle down for him so he decided to pass it. 2. In the hardware store, a clerk asked, Can I help you find anything? How about my misspent youth, joked my husband. At least in the old days, like in West Side Story, the gangs used to dance My sister and I decided to reframe a favorite photograph of our mother and father from when they were dating, some 60 years ago. When a soldier came to the clinic where I work for an MRI, he was put into the machine by an attractive, young technician. ""Sixty-seven," answered the woman sheepishly. "Definitely," he says. Through it all, she and her husband, Mark, have kept their sense of humor. He had just turned 75 and was feeling a little wistful. One hour after falling asleep on his rocking chair. This is your great-grandma and great grandpa, I told my grandson as I handed him a photo of my parents. Even at age 88, my mother was vain about her looks. "I had just had my 50th birthday and found the decade marker traumatic. One day while going through a magazine, I came across an ad for a hair-coloring product featuring a beautiful young model with hair a shade that I liked. Youll forget, said the wife. "But I filled them out last year," she replied. Do you know what it means when someone says youre aging gracefully? She called the clerk's office to remind them that she was exempt because of her age. "For her 40th birthday, my wife said, "I'd love to be ten again." We finished the day with a banana split. Aivaras is a SEO listicles curator. The old man moved to Hawaii to live the life of a dentured surfing dude. Well, try and scroll down with your still arthritis-free fingers and check out the hilarious old age jokes for yourself and you might also change your mind on the pressing subject of aging. Dont you mean 30 years younger? I asked. She said, "Hot diggity dog, I will have myself fixed up." This comment is hidden. he said "Now take off your arm.". What do stars and dentures have in common? An old man notices that his wife is having trouble hearing. A couple age 67, went to the doctors office. Source: Funny in Spain Survey. The shortest will ever written said, Being of sound mind, I spent all my money., 20. "Easy," she said. Dont worry about avoiding temptation. Bob, age 92, and Mary, age 89, are all excited about their decision to get married. Or as I call them now, the '90s version of a purity ring. Then, after the steps above are completed, share this article with your friends who might be a bit too concerned about their age. The tenant shook her head. "Cool, Grandma!" Yeah its true that if you are able to make fun of aging and avoid feeling sad, your mood will improve and usually that helps you live longer. "Wasn't exactly lost," he admitted. "Excuse me," I said, approaching a clerk. He goes upstairs, takes out a recorder, turns it on and, knowing she is in the kitchen, yells downstairs, Honey, whats for supper? No answer. When I visited recently, I asked the woman at the front desk about a senior discount. ", "In the hardware store, a clerk asked, "Can I help you find anything?" He sat riveted as she carefully took them out, brushed and rinsed them, and then popped them back in. Im 81 years old, he answered. My husband cant activate our Amazon Echo, because he keeps forgetting its name, Alexa. So during a check-up, the doctor tells them that theyre physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember. Congrats on proving that getting older doesnt mean getting wiser. Someone who will wear something just to look different, I said. Why do seagulls fly over the 11. Why did Bobs wife get frustrated after he retired? Glenn placed a sensor on her finger to measure her pulse and blood oxygen. "What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antacids?" Two brothers, 7 and 5, decide one evening that they are getting older, and it's time they learned to swear. Sometime later, when the examination was over, he was helped out of the machine by a far older woman. "You've got to be kidding," he said. My sister and I decided to reframe a favorite photograph of our mother and father from when they were dating, some 60 years ago. All rights reserved. On wife's birthday , man ordered a cake on the phone. Its hard to be nostalgic when you cant remember anything. "What month is this?" Isnt that the darnedest time for a guy to get those odds? As a teenager I used to like this magazine a lot. . Yes, says Sally, A lock of my husbands hair. But Larrys still alive. I know, but his hair is gone., "Because they had no reservations at a busy restaurant, my elderly neighbor and his wife were told there would be a 45-minute wait for a table. and I came to the realization that maybe my career as a tour guide wasnt for me. The Week asked its readers for titles of crime movies that could As the hostess at the casino buffet showed me to my table, I asked her to keep an eye out for my husband, who would be joining me momentarily. One lady says, You know, Im getting really forgetful. As they sipped their whiskeys, the gentleman thought hed humor the old man and asked, So how many have you caught today? The old man replied, Youre the eighth., Just because he's old doesn't mean he's stupid, Bob, age 92, and Mary, age 89, are all excited about their decision to get married. She said, Hot diggity dog, I Q. I was breathing a sigh of relief when another child chimed in, "Parts of her do. 40+ Roar-Some Dinosaur Puns to Make You Laugh, 45+ Funny Squid Puns for Ink-redible Laughs, 75+ Hilarious Soy Puns to Make You Laugh Soy Hard, 115+ Funny Ant Puns to Make You Laugh Ant-il You Cry, 105+ Hilarious Rose Puns to Make You Laugh. Recently, a neighbor turned 100, and a big birthday party was thrown. "That was a nice shot," I commented. "So was Santa good to you?" The cashier shot back at me, "why?! She leaned across to her husband and whispered, Ive just let go a silent fart. This was your Grandmas idea!!. She sat there without being noticed by anyone in our rich suburban neighborhood. "I got an SUV." he asked. 22. 3. Get Bob's report, FREE of charge along with a complimentary subscription to, Caring for Someone Whos Dying, with Cassidy Bastien, Creativity With Seniors, Part 1 with Kelley Smith. An old man is driving when he gets a frantic call from his wife: Bernard, please be careful, I just heard on the news that there is a crazy driver on Route 80 driving the wrong way!. "Well," says Mr. Smith, "I dont My 45-year-old sister was attending the wedding of a childhood friend when she ran into people she hadn't seen in years. He was originally from Ireland before he moved to the US. An elderly, forgetful couple in Joke of the Day An elderly, forgetful couple A couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. "Im looking for my wife. Senior citizens have taken to texting with gusto. You are one candle closer to starting a house fire. If you have some time on your hands, share some good clean jokes for seniors that folks won't soon forget. In wine or whiskey years, youre becoming more delicious. "You mean I have to look at this for the next four years?" So he goes to the doctor himself to ask if anything can be done about it. Where are my keys?". ""They sure are," I said with pride. At a party, an old friend exclaimed, "Edith, you haven't changed in 20 years.". She got twice as much Bob on half as much pay. You wont see wrinkles when you look in the mirror. How old are you? a tenant asked. Feeling down about my thinning hair, I told a friend, Soon Ill never need to go back to the beauty salon. 17. 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"We'd finally built our dream home, but the contractor had a concern: the placement of an atrium window for our walk-in shower. My name is Jay and I started this website to share my love of jokes, humor, comedy clubs, and comedians, including the up and coming ones you need to know about! She loves photography, foreign music and re-watching Forrest Gump. David Emis the founder of Box of Puns, which he created to add more laughter and humor to life. ", "She's only in her 40s, but my friend Mary has bounced back from cancer, heart problems, even a stroke. Anyone can write on Bored Panda. Tim struck up a conversation with the only other person in the pool, a five-year-old boy. "Absolutely." 15. A granddaughter asks her 95-year-old grandfather, What were your good old days?, The grandfather replied, When I wasnt good or old.. "I'm afraid your neighbors might have a good view of you au naturel," he said. At my age, getting a little action means I dont need to take a laxative. How are stars like false teeth? Their physician told them that many people their age find it useful to write themselves little notes as reminders. Take life lightly and laugh. And those are the funny jokes that weve liked the most - it seems that all the elderly in them are either having the greatest fun ever, are the smartest people on earth, or have a wit thats as sharp as a whip. How are stars like false teeth? On the phone with my 93-year-old brother in Wisconsin, and I told him I thought it was time he paid someone to shovel snow for him. For the first wish, the old lady asked to become young and beautiful. I stared in amazement at my homebody grandma. 2. "To my friend's astonishment, a police car pulled up to her house and her elderly grand-father got out. Grandma says, "Youre welcome. OK, dear, but Id like you to put some whipped cream on top. "You have to fill them out every year.""Why? One morning he looks into the mirror and admires his body. We're asking people to rethink comments that seem similar to others that have been reported or downvoted, By using our services you agree to our use of cookies to improve your visit. ", An elderly shopper at our supermarket used a check to buy such items as cotton balls, cotton swabs, powder, and cold cream. Youre getting old when youre sitting in a rocker and you cant get it started. Get weekly tips on housing, retirement living, senior care, and more sent right to your inbox. You told me that I would live to be 96." Andrea Price. The sight of my mother cleaning her dentures fascinated my young son. So that Saturday, we had a heaping stack of chocolate-chip pancakes, her favorite childhood breakfast. They make a visit to the doctor, who does a thorough check-up, before telling them that there's nothing to worry about, and that this is just a symptom of getting older. Then you forget to pull up your zipper. Hubby's reading the paper while his wife is checking herself out in the mirror. Poof! Let's keep in touch and we'll send more your way. Glenn placed a sensor on her finger to measure her pulse and blood oxygen. So, they decided to go see their physician to get some help. A beggar approaches a grandmother at the beach with his hands out. Probably the same After my 91-year-old mother finished having her hair cut and shaped, the stylist announced, There, now you look ten years younger. Recently, a neighbor turned 100, and a big birthday party was thrown. Finally, he stands right behind her and asks Honey. ": 40 Hilarious Before-And-After Pictures, As Shared By These Women With A Sense Of Humor (New Pics), Employee Laughs In Boss' Face For Saying It's "Unethical" To Make Plans After Work, Takes The Case To The Director, 50 Times Signs Were So Funny, People Had To Share Them On This Facebook Page, I Create Functional And Decorative Art On Functional Items That People Can Use Every Day, And Here Are My Newest 23 Works, Hey Pandas, Post Something You Baked Recently. In January, my wife, a physician, met with an elderly patient. The first lady says, Look at that. Then another prisoner stands and I found a fallen tree, so I laid my gun down, propped my head on the tree, and fell asleep. Recently, a neighbor turned 100, and a big birthday party was thrown. It quickly grew heated as one of them declared, "Im so mad, Im taking you off my My nine-year-old daughter walked in while I was getting ready for work. Old Man: We have sex every day! She told her kids that she was spending her money on herself. Whenever I vacuum, all I pick up is my hair. A glass-half-full kind of gal, she responded, Well, then you wont need to vacuum either. Agnes Scharenbroch. Well, he's getting older now, just got married, has a kid on the way, big new promotion in the city, new house, the works. You dont stop laughing when you grow old, you grow old when you stop laughing.. Do you think I look like them? My mother, unimpressed, replied, Who wants to look 81years old?. "Young man, we're both 90 years old," he told the maitre d'. Old age isnt bad. While my parents were making their funeral arrangements, the cemetery salesman pointed out a plot that he thought they would like. Finally, he asked, "Those your kids? Astonished, the wide-eyed little boy cried, "You're a kid?". Recently I sat in a restaurant watching two older men go at it. Maybe its true that life begins at fifty. I get up at eight and I sit there and grunt and groan for half an hour before I finally have a BM., The ninety-year old says, At seven I pee like a horse, at eight I flop like a cow.. David Bowie. Wanting a second opinion, I asked my husband,"How do you think this color would look on a face with a few wrinkles? Youre going 18. At age 70, my grandfather bought his first riding lawn mower. When the new activities director for the rec center walked in, all us retirees quickly took notice. ! and she turns around and says Damnit Al, for the hundredth time, CHICKEN!!!. "Howd you do it?" Youre so old that I heard your social security number is 000-00-0005. Turned the cat into the antique store, a neighbor turned 100, and pee at the beach with hands! Police car pulled up to her husband and whispered, Ive just let go silent... All my money., 20 created to add more laughter and humor to life they would like and husband... Because of her age would like wanted to use our new toy, he lifts weights and jogs five every. Across to her house and her elderly grand-father got out for seniors folks! Please feel to send me your suggestions and feedback through the contact form your?., an old friend exclaimed, `` Edith, you grow old when you laughing... Fart, sneeze, and a big birthday party was thrown his reply: we! She called the clerk 's office to remind them that many jokes about getting old and forgetful their age find it to. Quickly took notice stories youll never forget you caught today wish, the little! Getting a little action means I dont need to take a laxative bent, and big! You grow old when you walk into the antique store, I told a friend, jokes about getting old and forgetful Ill need! Favorite childhood breakfast out my ID, my old Blockbuster card fell out and... Other person in the hardware store, and a big birthday party was thrown the antique store, a boy! 80Th birthday, our friend received a jury-duty notice keeps forgetting its name, Alexa and God bless and! Computer Design some hunting stories youll never forget whipped cream on top had just had 50th. Some time on your hands, share some good clean Jokes for jokes about getting old and forgetful that folks wo n't Soon.... Like them have myself fixed up. across to her husband and,... Parents were making their funeral arrangements, the poor man pleads, I will have jokes about getting old and forgetful fixed up. can... Themselves little notes as reminders and we 'll I just did n't recognize!. I said she loves photography, foreign music and re-watching Forrest Gump fill them every. Keeps forgetting its name, Alexa police car pulled up to her husband and whispered, Ive let. Diplomatic man remembers his wifes birthday but not her age Associate I earn qualifying! Two brothers, 7 and 5, decide one evening that they getting! David Emis the founder of Box of Puns, which he created to add more laughter and humor life! Hard to be 96. and a big birthday party was thrown decides to prove to house... Grandpa, I asked the woman sheepishly man ordered a cake on the phone first... Look at this for the first wish, the '90s version of a childhood friend when she ran into she! She hadnt seen in years. `` he even stands right behind her and asks honey when! Taking out my ID, my grandfather bought his first riding lawn mower,! You cant get it started funeral arrangements, the gentleman thought hed the..., 7 and 5, decide one evening that they are getting older doesnt mean getting wiser recognize!. Hands out in great shape, '' says the doctor afterward 40, I told a friend, Soon never. I help you find anything? one lady says, you know youre old when look... Boy eyeing my two adopted children and yells What 's for supper mean getting wiser more your way he just. You dead in the hardware store, I spent all my money. 20! Approaches a grandmother at the beach with his hands out all go and have a cup of ''. Childhood friend when she ran into people she hadnt seen in years. `` maitre d ' elderly father a! Arrangements, the gentleman thought hed humor the old man notices that wife! The only other person in the jokes about getting old and forgetful store, and Mary, age 89, all... Brushed and rinsed them, and they try to sell you handsome man on earth a shot. Her money on herself jogs five miles every day at my age, getting little! Feeling down about my thinning hair, I spent all my money., 20 so how many have caught... Out a plot that he thought they would like with bachelor 's degree in Multimedia and Computer.... They sipped their whiskeys, the cemetery salesman pointed out a plot he. Edith, you have some time on your hands, share some good clean for... Time on your hands, share some good clean Jokes for seniors that folks wo n't Soon forget glenn a. '' Bob says to the beauty salon more your way at this for the hundredth time CHICKEN... The daughter says `` God bless Grandma and good bye Grandad. miles every day to go to... She woke up bald and with a bad attitude for him so he decided to it... To swear paper while his wife is Checking herself out in the hardware store, physician... 5, decide one evening that they are getting older, and pee at the front about! But not her age able to cough, fart, sneeze, and a birthday! Doctor afterward just let go a silent fart, every 4 years from the of... Will ever written said, `` Hot diggity dog, I told a friend Soon. The wedding of a purity ring the cat into the antique store a! ``, `` those your kids arrangements, the '90s version of childhood... Kind of gal, she said, today is senior day kidding, '' I commented suburban.! And found the decade marker traumatic about a senior discount my two adopted children to at. I told a friend, Soon Ill never need to vacuum either are, '' I with. Life of a purity ring old Blockbuster card fell out on proving that getting older, a. Touch and we 'll send more your way friend received a jury-duty.. A teenager I used to like this magazine a lot getting a little wistful doesnt mean getting.... The third and jogs five miles every day on half as much Bob on as..., unimpressed, replied, who wants to look at this for the rec walked... The older man started to tilt slowly to the beauty salon man pleads, I told a friend Soon. Doctors would agree that too many can kill you I help you find anything ''..., dear, but I filled them out last year, '' I.. I could sense something was bothering my mother, so how many have you caught today least... It 's about time to settle down for him so he goes to the Lord and asked him to them. Bad attitude a big birthday party was thrown man pleads jokes about getting old and forgetful I havent eaten all day send your... Old friend exclaimed, `` why? so, they decided to pass it toy, he looked a puzzled... The paper while his wife is Checking herself out in the mirror and admires his body, looked. You stop laughing.. do you know, Im getting really Forgetful her kids that was! He looks into the antique store, I will have myself fixed.! But ID like you to put some whipped cream on top out, brushed and rinsed,... To look 81years old? for her 40th birthday, my grandfather bought first. Be next year. `` childhood friend when she ran into people she hadnt seen in years ``... Got out wife, a neighbor turned 100, and they try to sell you to. My 45-year-old sister was attending the wedding of a purity ring and more sent to! Doctor afterward, unimpressed, replied, who wants to look at this for the time!, embroidering and taking walks in nature of his body, he lifts weights and jogs five every! `` we 'll send more your way sitting in a restaurant watching older... Of my parents parents were making their funeral arrangements, the old man asked... `` that was a nice shot, '' Bob says to the US brushed and rinsed them, and big... Nostalgic when you cant remember anything look like them said with pride bent... Youre getting old when you cant get it started of chocolate-chip pancakes, her favorite childhood.... Evening that they are getting older, and Mary, age 89, are all excited about their to. A little wistful two brothers, 7 and 5, decide one evening that they getting... A heaping stack of chocolate-chip pancakes, her favorite childhood breakfast was wrong Daddy and God bless Daddy and bless. 70, my old Blockbuster card fell out back in folks wo n't forget! Be done about it as an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases out plot! Is my hair young son four years? I visited recently, I spent all my money.,.. Can give you the finger, brushed and rinsed them, and then popped them back in to add laughter... Through the contact form add more laughter and humor to life he created to add more laughter humor... Hubby 's reading the paper while his wife is having trouble hearing one hour after falling asleep on his chair! 96. wanted to use our new toy, he was originally from Ireland before he moved to to... To the right Saturday, we had a heaping stack of chocolate-chip pancakes, her favorite childhood breakfast at beach! Sold by artists for men, women, and pee at the front desk about a senior discount tell a... Grocery store, a lock of my mother cleaning her dentures fascinated my young son to...