Be careful to always approach him with respect and try to be patient. For instance, say I feel hurt when you do not hear me, or give my opinions any preference rather than saying YOU never listen to me. Whether she is a virgin or a previously married woman, her consent must be obtained before her father or guardian can act on her behalf in any marriage contract. Should Your Spouse Be Your First Priority? If your situation is similar, it helps to remember that Indian men do develop very strong relationships with their mothers and they do keep reminding their sons that they did sacrifice a lot to give them better lives and they would have to reciprocate when they are ready for that. Its just that the bond that he has with his family is strong and you have to show him that he has a family on his own now. I didn't do any wrong there was no any mistakes but then and there he tried to clarify that there wont be any issue "Let's live together and live a peaceful life.". Seek your spouse's help. Im fearful of my husband having Hoor-Al-Ayn in Paradise. Look at it as a blessing that he is no longer wasting your time and now you can be with someone who does want to be with you. Privacy Policy | About us |Contact us 2023 Think Aloud. Should he balk at that idea, or insist that you back down and accept abuse and ill treatment for the sake of maintaining familial harmony, then youll have some tough decisions ahead of you. But the problem arises when your man decides to embark on a new journey and start his own family. Sister, sometimes I feel that men are scared and weary of women getting emotional. Pour your energy into hobbies and personal pursuits. It may seem like he loves them more than he loves you. ), 9 Highly Effective Ways To Deal With Condescending People, Help! Here you'll find some tips that could help you deal with this issue. Furthermore, the interference of the family members of the husband in his marital life is something that is likely and its reason is usually jealousy or misunderstanding and the like. Or will he accept the fact that he overlooked your emotions? One day i asked him why is he more important then me? As his wife, you might have often heard that it is your job to make his life easier and not harder. They have been doing this for many years until a little while ago, they burst at him and crossed every line of disrespect. Unlike when in the UK or US where mothers often stop to have a drink after work before heading home, you would always see an Indian mom rushing home from work to help her child with homework or toss up delicacies for them. If he's no more there and not at all by my side then whats the use of living with him. Basically, that because theyve all known one another and supported one another for as long as your husband has been alive, they and their views, wants, needs, and preferences need to take precedence over yours. Im 40 years old but my mother wont let go! Related Reading: How Destructive Are Indian In-Laws? The same with a husband. Then make it very clear to your relatives without being rude that you have work to do when they are dropping in so if you remain confined to your room, they should not hold it against you. He still feels a strong connection with his parents and has a hard time figuring out whether or not youre more important than them. Your gut instinct tells you to confront him face-to-face, to tell him everything thats been on your mind for the last couple of months. If you try to find a compromise with him, he wont be forced to choose between you or his family. And youre tired of always doing that because his mom might think you dont know how to cook. Even by those he loves. This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. While youre dealing with this issue, make your self-care an absolute priority. I know this is a very difficult position to be in. He Bows To His Domineering Parents (And Expects You To Do The Same) One situation that a lot of couples contend with is when the husband's parent (s) try to exert or maintain dominance without respecting their adult son and his partner. If one cannot treat them nicely, then at least he should not mistreat them. If you dont, then you could be alienating him from you. The cookie is set by the GDPR Cookie Consent plugin and is used to store whether or not user has consented to the use of cookies. Sometimes, women dont classify them as such because it carries a bad connotation. Really close. What can I do if hes a mamas boy? Other than that, So, instead of being hurt and showing it passively, it might be a good idea to collect yourself together and ask your husband gently but firmly why he did not listen to your idea or even consider it. It must be tough and emotionally draining to see your husband not pay attention to you, your son or your future. A caring son could also mean a caring husband. No relationship is worth tolerating abuse and disrespect for. Its about admitting that you made a mistake, being able to say that youre sorry, forgiving each other, and moving forward together. I am sorry you're going through this , "I'm very suspicious to live with him cause it might be a danger to my life he might kill me that's why I have taken a decision for a divorce. Important events such as birthdays are one thing; having afternoon tea with his parents at the same time each Sunday may be asking too much if it makes you feel like you are playing second fiddle. Instead of arguing, try to be a team player with your husband. When their sons arent around them, they dont know what to do and they feel like they need them all day every day. We and our partners use data for Personalised ads and content, ad and content measurement, audience insights and product development. Analytical cookies are used to understand how visitors interact with the website. A Work Boyfriend Will Mess With Your Relationship (Cut It Out! He and I have no privacy. You and your partner must put in an equal amount of effort, propose solutions, and have each others backs no matter what. When you exchange vows with the man you expect to spend the rest of your life with, you want him to stand by your side and have your back through thick and thin. It can be such a blow to your confidence and make you question your relationship and love for one another. If you see that most of your husbands income is given away to his parents for the upkeep of their home and you are left struggling with the finances at the end of the month, then it becomes really frustrating. Besides having a family holiday does not mean having the elderly with you all the time. That way, you give them a little win whilst getting something you do actually like. Suddenly, youre not his top priority. I dont have a Wali and my mother is haunted by Jinns. He has to want it. Spend as much time with your own parents or visit cousins as much as he does. First of all, we ask Allaah to relieve you from your distress, make a way out to your difficulty, and rectify your husband and your marital relation with him on the one hand, and your relations with your in-laws on the other hand as Allaah is the All-Hearer and He answers supplications. And that schedule should be something his family are aware of, too, especially if they have a habit of turning up at your place unannounced. Yes, that includes your spouses attachment to his family. It is unfortunate that he keeps putting his daughter first. This page contains affiliate links. You know best. Sister, it is important to realize that we often react to our environment and get excessively emotional. Pray to Allah SWT for guidance, mercy and help. If he heads for his parents room after office, you tell him thats just fine but he has to ensure after that when he is with you the door of your room is closed and you have your own space. This can cause a major rift if youre more independent, or if you want to build a strong marriage without mommy and daddy thinking that they can rule the two of you right into adulthood. Patients is something we have to do in marriage but upto limit talk through it if still havent changed then I would say dont waste time on him before you have children from him and they suffer too like you are get out of this relationship after giving sometime to him he dont change then dont wait long take the step to separate from him To view the purposes they believe they have legitimate interest for, or to object to this data processing use the vendor list link below. Praise be to Allah. For example, if you and your husband are of very different cultural backgrounds, you may have had very different experiences growing up. On top of that, if your husband accepts he has a problem and hes willing to cooperate, that shows you that youre still his priority. This is a rather difficult one to recognize unless you directly ask him. One situation that a lot of couples contend with is when the husbands parent(s) try to exert or maintain dominance without respecting their adult son and his partner. And your so-called partner wont stop anyone from hurting you. He vowed to stand by your side for better or worse, and now hes reneging on that vow. By clicking Accept, you consent to the use of ALL the cookies. Try to take positive steps through communication and creating boundaries and not keep resenting the fact that he is choosing his family over you. Marriage is typically the beginning of a new starting point for a couple. And most importantly, he needs to stand by you, support you, and defend you if youre being mistreated. 970K views, 16K likes, 288 loves, 78 comments, 136 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from Watsicao: Ngi n ng thy nh m mnh trong nh t ph Hear me out on this. Just counter their view with your own, firmly and decisively. You have to take a step back so he can figure out that he needs to change. He tells his mother and sister all that happens between the two of us. But there is a balance to be struck here. Everything is going to be alright. Your email address will not be published. My husband has 3 elder sisters. You have to know that youre not alone in this situation. If you are living with the in-laws you cannot really restrict relative visits because the elderly people are usually free to entertain guests. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); Guess Who? For example, if they try to suggest Rose for the name of your forthcoming daughter, but you have another name in mind, politely state: Thats a lovely name, but were very keen on Catherine, actually., Or if they try to muscle in on a family holiday that was meant just for the two of you and your children, respond by saying: Were really looking forward to some quality time just the 3/4/5 of us, but why dont we plan a weekend away with all of us later in the year?. 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